Asking for Help, Giving Support and Learning to Know Your Worth
Why it’s taken me years to understand that asking for help is a strength, not a weakness.
When I first started my business back in 2009, I was incredibly shy.
I can still remember how difficult I found networking. Just delivering my 60-second introduction was a challenge, never mind having conversations with people I didn’t know.
The networking groups I attended were mixed and often very male-dominated. Everyone seemed so confident and successful, and there was me, completely new to running a business, trying to find clients and wondering whether I was ever going to make any money!
But I certainly wasn’t going to admit any of that.
I looked around the room and assumed everyone else knew exactly what they were doing. I worried about what they might think if I admitted I was struggling.
Looking back, I realise I was making assumptions about what other people thought of me, without actually giving them the opportunity to help.
Sometimes the help we need comes without us asking
Fortunately, a few people in one of the networking groups I attended every week took me under their wing.
They invited me for coffee, arranged one-to-one meetings and took the time to get to know me.
They would ask questions, share their experiences and suggest things I could try in my business.
I probably still wasn’t admitting that I needed help, but they recognised where they could support me and offered it anyway.
In fact, one of those people became my very first client.
He gave me the opportunity to work with him so he could experience my services for himself and then recommend me to others.
That was the beginning of building my client base through referrals, and the support I received from that original networking group played a huge part in it.
One of those people remained a mentor to me for probably 10–15 years.
Even now, all these years later, I often think about those early days.
And I genuinely believe that without those people taking the time to support and encourage me, I might have given up on my business.
That’s how much difference a little support can make. I’ve also written about the importance of building genuine relationships in my blog on Networking with Purpose
But somewhere along the way, I became the person doing all the helping
As my business grew, my focus shifted towards supporting other people.
I started out as a virtual assistant and went on to work with businesses in different capacities, including many years supporting businesses with their ISO management systems.
I learnt an enormous amount, developed valuable skills and experience, and helped other people achieve things in their businesses.
And I loved being able to make a difference.
But over time, I began to recognise something.
I was putting so much time and energy into helping other people build their businesses and achieve their dreams that I wasn’t giving my own dreams the same attention.
Some of the work I was doing was no longer where my passion lay.
It wasn’t that the experience had been wasted. Far from it. I wouldn’t have the knowledge, experience or confidence I have today without those opportunities.
But I started to realise that just because I could do something, and was good at it, didn’t necessarily mean I had to keep doing it.
I began making decisions about the work I wanted to continue, the commitments I needed to step away from and where I really wanted to put my energy.
And that gave me the opportunity to focus more on what mattered to me.
My own personal development. My own ambitions. And building Women’s Business Network into the supportive community I wanted it to be.
Interestingly, it was around this time that I also started becoming more comfortable asking for help myself.
Why is it so difficult to recognise our own worth?
This is something I’ve had to learn over many years.
When I started out as a virtual assistant, I charged an hourly rate. It was very low initially, and although I increased it several times, I still wasn’t charging particularly high rates.
Yet I could see the difference my work was making to my clients’ businesses.
Some were growing significantly, increasing their revenue and achieving things they couldn’t have managed without additional support.
And there was often a huge difference between the value I was bringing to their businesses and what I was actually charging.
People would tell me that I needed to stop thinking purely in terms of hours and start looking at the value of the results I was delivering.
I understood what they were saying.
But putting a larger price on a project felt incredibly uncomfortable.
I was used to charging by the hour. I knew what that looked like. Moving away from it felt scary, even when I could see the value of what I was providing.
Looking back, I don’t think I fully appreciated my own worth.
And I wonder how many other women in business feel the same.
We can become so familiar with our own knowledge and experience that we forget just how valuable it is to somebody else.
Something that takes us five minutes today might have taken us five hours when we first started.
But that’s because of everything we’ve learnt along the way.
The years of experience, the mistakes, the challenges, the training and the knowledge we’ve gained all contribute to being able to do something efficiently and confidently.
Our value isn’t simply measured by how long something takes us. It’s also about the difference we make and the results we help someone achieve.
And sometimes we need reminding of that.
Giving help doesn’t mean we have to give everything
I will always be someone who wants to help others.
It’s part of who I am, and I genuinely enjoy sharing my knowledge and experiences if they can make somebody else’s journey a little easier.
After all, I know firsthand what a difference that support can make.
But I’ve also learnt that there needs to be a balance.
There’s a difference between offering someone encouragement, sharing a little advice or pointing them in the right direction, and providing ongoing support that would normally form part of a paid service.
And it’s okay to recognise that difference.
It’s also okay to say no to an opportunity or commitment, even if it’s something worthwhile.
Because every time we say yes to something, we’re also making a decision about where our time and energy will go.
I’ve learnt that I can care about helping somebody else while also recognising that my own business, wellbeing and ambitions matter too.
That’s not always an easy balance to find, and it’s something I’m still learning.
Asking for help is a strength, not a weakness
If I could go back and tell my younger self one thing, it would be this.
You don’t have to know everything, and asking for help doesn’t make you any less capable.
When we start a business, we’re often experts in the service or product we provide.
But that doesn’t mean we’re automatically experts in running a business.
How could we possibly know everything?
Yet we can put so much pressure on ourselves to have all the answers.
We worry that somebody will judge us for not knowing something, when the reality is that many of those people have been in exactly the same position.
And more often than not, they’re only too happy to share what they’ve learnt.
I can honestly say it’s only been in the last couple of years that I’ve become much more comfortable asking for help.
Part of that has come from doing more personal development work and recognising that my needs matter too.
But something else made a big difference.
I realised that I couldn’t keep encouraging other women to be open, honest and vulnerable about what they were experiencing if I wasn’t prepared to do the same.
When I started speaking at events, I made a conscious decision to share my own experiences, including how terrified I had been of public speaking.
People might see me standing on a stage and assume I’m naturally confident.
But I’m not.
I’ve had my own fears, doubts and insecurities, and I still have moments when I question myself.
Being open about that has helped me connect with people in a much more meaningful way.
Because we don’t need to pretend we’ve got everything worked out.
Why this matters so much to me today
When I think about the early networking group that supported me, I realise how much those experiences have influenced what I want Women’s Business Network to be.
I know what it feels like to walk into a room and feel intimidated.
I know what it’s like to look around and assume everybody else is doing better than you.
And I know how difficult it can be to admit you’re struggling, particularly when you’re still trying to build your confidence.
That’s exactly what I wanted to create through Women’s Business Network — somewhere women could feel supported, seen and heard.
I want them to know they’ve found people who understand.
People who know what it’s like to run a business without the certainty of a regular salary. People who’ve experienced the challenges, the worries and the decisions that come with being self-employed.
Sometimes our family and friends, however supportive they are, don’t fully understand those pressures because they haven’t experienced them themselves.
Having people around you who get it can make such a difference.
And I don’t expect anyone to come along to their first meeting and immediately open up about everything they’re going through.
Some women feel comfortable sharing straight away. Others need time to build relationships and trust.
Both are absolutely fine.
WBN isn’t for everybody, and I’ve come to appreciate that. But for women who want genuine connections, deeper conversations and people who are truly in their corner, I want it to feel like somewhere they belong.
A place where they can ask for help when they’re ready, offer support when they can, and know that they don’t have to navigate their business journey alone.
One thing I’d love you to take away
If there’s one thing I’ve learnt through all these experiences, it’s that asking for help, offering support and knowing your worth are all connected.
We need to be willing to accept the support we so readily give to others.
We need to recognise the value of our own knowledge, time and experience.
And we need to remember that sometimes the smallest gesture of support can have a much bigger impact than we realise.
I often wonder whether those people who took me under their wing all those years ago ever truly knew the difference they made to my life.
Because without them, my business journey could have been very different.
So perhaps there’s something for us all to think about.
Is there somebody you could reach out to and offer a little encouragement to today? Or is it your turn to let somebody support you?
Whichever it is, remember that you don’t have to do everything on your own.
Sharon x
Further reading
If you’re looking for support as you grow your business, the British Business Bank has a useful guide to support and mentoring for female entrepreneurs, including why having the right people around you can make such a difference.
